True Confession: I wrote half of this post in my head before ever seeing the show because I already knew what it was.
So I tried to ignore it. I was warned that it was coming and I was informed when it had started and somehow, I thought I would get away with not watching it. I barely lasted 2 days. I don't know what I was thinking. It's like ignoring a freckle that turns out to be skin cancer, or an itchy patch of skin that turns out to be ring worm, or a crying child that you know full well can outcry your patience. So here we are.
When I hear "Love & Hip Hop" I think Method and Mary, or B.I.G and Kim, or B.I.G and Faith or B.I.G and Charlie Baltimore.... or Tupac and his "girlfriend" (all I need in this life of sin...). That is not what this is.
Olivia: She is here for your entertainment. And in case you didn't know she was supposed to be entertaining, she will make sure to drop as much slang as she can into any conversation or crack any kind of half-witted joke for cheap chuckles. It's ok. It's harmless. I'm starting with her because she is the worst person to represent Queens since Lamar Odom did the Khloe Kardashian thing. And why did she need to translate what "Mira mi Poom Poom" meant for Chrissy? (sigh)
Emily: Loso's baby momma. "He'll never leave me." Why is that a good thing?
Your an 8yr secret MA! Stop telling everyone this stuff. You're embarrassing yourself and everyone who ever knew you. But heck, who needs a ring. She got a Bentley. (smh)
Chrissy: Jim Jones' GF. First of all I have to ask... Is this show part of Jimmy's "h-u-s-l" as he spells it? Because he is in more scenes than a little bit. And Chrissy oh Chrissy, mm mm mm (smh) ain't nothing sadder than an old bird and Chrissy youse a old bird. She acts like a 14 year old confronting any girl that looks at her boyfriend because she hasn't learned how to act like a woman with an ounce of confidence yet. Or she hasn't learned that teasing a chic about her teeth or her outfit won't take away the pain of being the average looking, long term, ride or die bitch of a B list rapper.. But I guess when you look like any other girl walking down 125th street you gotta fight for yours. Also, she needs Emily to be her stylist because her outfits all look like they came from Forever 21.. The red lace bra showing, the cropped sequin jacket? Geezus! You're on TV!
Somoya: Whose attic is she sleeping in? I feel like she is gonna wake up with pieces of the pink itchy insulation stuff in her weave. What's the point of being light skinneded with a body like that if you can't get a dude to pay for a decent hotel room? And her fake lashes are like "Hey look at us we're fake as hell" Geez. She couldn't get the individual joints? (sigh)
Mashonda: Don't do it girl. I had no issue with you. Do not do this.
On the ugotthejuicenow rating scale I give the first episode of "Love & Hip Hop" 1 empty glass.. with no juice in it. Meaning it is so bad you might just have to watch.
