Chilly December Day

When I woke up this morning and saw the temperature reading a balmy 28 degrees out, I could not help but think of a warmer summer afternoon. Crossing the Puget Sound, one is bound to cross a diverse population of sea going vessels. On this late fall afternoon, I caught a wonderful view of a sailboat making its way back to the docks on in Seattle's Elliot Bay. With the sun almost below the Olympics Mt. Rainer is shown in her full glory!

All Dogs Go To Heaven

Rec'd this in an email... it appears to be a debate using the outside church announcement board. The churches are located across the street from each other

A New Twist on The Fable of The Little Red Hen... it's an Eye Opener...

Once upon a time, on a farm in Virginia, there was a little red
hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.

She called all of her Democrat neighbors together and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'

'Not I,' said the cow.

'Not I,' said the duck.

'Not I,' said the pig.

'Not I,' said the goose.

'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.
'Who will help me reap my wheat?' asked the little red hen.
'Not I,' said the duck.
'Out of my classification,' said the pig.
‘I’d lose my seniority,' said the cow.
'I'd lose my unemployment compensation,' said the goose.

'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread. 'Who will help me bake the bread?' asked the little red hen.

'That would be overtime for me,' said the cow.

'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.

'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.

'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.

'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'

'Excess profits!' cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)

'Capitalist leech!' screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)

'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)

The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)



And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the Farmer Obama came.

He said to the little red hen, 'You must not be so greedy.'



'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.



'Exactly,' said Barack the farmer. 'That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle.'



And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red
hen, which smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful, for now I truly
understand.'


But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.
INDIVIDUAL INITIATIVE HAD DIED, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.

IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I recently cut my hair very short. When I first got to Shiraz a few days ago, an auntie of mine told me my face has gotten a bit chubby - now that I am pregnant. My granny said, no it's probably because I cut my hair that my face seems bigger, because I haven't really gained weight yet. My auntie proceeded to tell my how much long hair suits me. Hmm, should I that a compliment? Yes, I should.

Beauty is a very important concept in Iran, like the entire Middle East really. Long hair definitely represents beauty for women (you should have seen the looks on the faces when I insisted that the stylist chop it all off). "Why did you cut it?" people ask, as if I had some kind of disease, or was struck briefly mad.

Even in the presidential race, beauty has been one issue, for some people at least. Everyone complimented Michelle Obama's most recent outfit, discussing her great but minimalist style. One woman here commented, while watching Moussavi speak, "now that would be a good looking president!" And everyone knows of a certain President whose looks, according to many, has tainted the image of generally good-looking Iranians. From the beginning of his presidency jokes about his ugly looks have been prolific.

This is nothing new, and it's not just in Iran of course. Something new however, has been the presence of women - specifically Mir Hossein Moussavi's wife Zahra Rahnavard - in the campaign spotlights. For the first time in Iran, a candidates wife has campaigned along side him. In one interview, when asked if she did this because of the popularity of Michelle Obama (many parallels have been drawn between the Iranian campaigns and Obama's), she said no she did it because it is a normal thing around the world and that a woman should not be hiding in the house. She should stand next to her partner and her role can be very useful.

One of Ahmadinejad's staunch supporters, journalist Fatemeh Rajabi, sees this, however, as exploitation of woman. According to Rajabi, that a woman is being used as a pawn in her husband's campaign, as she sits beside him, silently, it is against Islam and women's rights. But Rahnavard did not seem at all to be a silent or passive bystander.

Last night AN came on national TV one last time - he had asked if he can defend himself and actually more so "the dear nation of Iran" against unfair accusations. He once again repeated, without mentioning specific names, all the wonderful things his government has done in the past four years, and that if he was a liar - as everyone claims - then how come he is so proud? One who lies and one who is afraid just doesn't go together, according to him. He also mentioned once again, a certain person (referring to Rahnavard) who has unfairly gotten her PHD and even teaches at university - which is a disrespect to all the professors who studied for 10 years, etc. Lies and liars have been a central theme in the campaigns.

It has now come out that Rahnavard plans to sue AN, who very openly defamed her on national TV a few days ago during the debate with her husband. Yesterday there was a huge rally for AN in the streets of Shiraz, following a speech in support of him at the Hafez shrine's hall. The crowds of AN fans were followed by the green branch wielding Mousavi fans. Rumors are circulating that some of the AN supporters got a bit violent, throwing stones and getting in fights. This morning the streets have been quite thoroughly cleaned.

According to some sources, Moussavi is up at 54%, and taking the lead in 10 major cities, while AN is at 39%. Anything could happen though...although everyone is quite certain that a record will be set tomorrow with participation in the elections. Another first has been the extensive use on online campaigning - especially on Facebook and especially with Moussavi reporters.

The aging Karroubi (who has also promised to put a woman in his cabinet, and to advocate for women's rights) has said he won't sleep after his prayers on Friday - promising not to let any election shenanigans slip in his wake. Rafsanjani has called for a clean election.

One of My favorites by Johnny Cash

Named & Nameless (TOTR 134)

Jim Croce – I Got A Name
Garlic & Moonshine – The Nameless Blues
Johnny Cash – A Boy Named Sue
Gillian Welch – No One Knows My Name
The Mamas & The Papas – I Call Your Name
Beth Orton – She Cries Your Name
Dawes – When You Call My Name
The White Stripes – Sister, Do You Know My Name
Carrie Underwood – Last Name
Sheryl Crow – Sign Your Name
Ani DiFranco – Names and Dates and Times
Antony and the Johnsons – Kiss My Name
The Thompson Twins – In The Name Of Love
Black Lung Brass Band – The Name’s Not Important
America– A Horse With No Name
Bob Dylan – Man Gave Names to All the Animals
Ryan Adams & the Cardinals – Crossed Out Name
Iron & Wine – Your Fake Name Is Good Enough For Me
Ben Harper – Number With No Name
Sting – Whenever I Say Your Name
Goo Goo Dolls – Name
Jason Mraz –Man Gave Names To All The Animals
Tony Allen – Where The Streets Have No Name
Newsboys – Blessed Be Your Name

Freelance Marketing Services

I would like to offer marketing services to the Occupy Wall Street movement. The way I see it is you have a number of great points. Here's what we can do to improve your campaign..

• Targeted messaging > the public isn't clear about exactly what the issue is. There are a number of them and they are all pretty valid but we need to hone in on one powerful message that will keep people motivated
• Slogan > You need something catchy and memorable like "Where's the beef" or "Just do it"
• Printing and design > the movement is in need of a good designer to develop some brand standards and create signs to then be professionally printed on decent card stock. The homemade signs are often sloppy, hard to read and they do not force the spectating public or the wall street bankers to take it seriously.
• Logo > We need a logo that represents what the movement stands for. This logo can be placed on Tee shirts and baseball caps. We can also consider key chains, thumb drives and water bottles depending on the budget
• Spokesperson > we need a spokesperson designated to keep the message clear and speak to the media. This person must be articulate and intelligent. Between the ages of 28 - 37, and formally educated. a person with a good American back story so that the public can identify and the media will want to profile him/her. The rationale behind the age range is so that the person is young enough to represent the sentiment of the young but old enough to gain trust and credibility from skeptics and doubters. They must be educated to combat the ignoramuses who say "just get an education and get a job".. And by "good American back story" I mean we need a rise and a fall and the belief that they can rise again. We need promising background but obvious victimization by the man/establishment.
• We need a theme song. Maybe something by Kanye West. He's empowering and Obama thinks he's a jackass
• We need collateral > flyers that clearly and concisely outlinine the objectives. To be handed out at Manhattan train stations below west 4th street, at local colleges and at the unemployment office to start.
• We need an official website and 1 official facebook page and twitter account. With that we can work on strategically placed digital banner Ads and a paid search campaign.
• We need bi weekly Webinars to update the movement on progress and next steps
• We need a deadline.. What do we want to happen and by when.. or else what?

And I don't want you to worry that these suggestions will make your image too corporate. Even an anti-corporate, anti-rich, anti-anti message needs organization and clarity.

Serial Groping... Hide Your Goodies!

I'm not saying this isn't a serious sex crime but what is with all the serial groping going on in this city? Has it increased? or have the reports increased? Is it a chicken or the egg situation? This summer/fall we have had serial gropers on the upper east side, one in Astoria and one in Brooklyn and I'm just wondering why we never had this crisis before. It's not the stuff a good episode of Law & Order SVU is made of but it's still a concern. I'm just wondering why it's such a major news story. Don't we have serial gropers in every middle school and high school across the city? I remember when this was a school yard game (5th grade, Sacred Heart School of JESUS for crying out loud). Haven't us girls been fighting off gropers since we were like 11? I remember the first time I was groped. I was going up the stairs at a classmates basement birthday party (I think I had on my purple jeans). The offender was 11 or 12 and he was in my class. I remember turning around in a rage (more because I knew I should than because I was actually pissed) and telling him NOT to touch me in that severe way that you speak to an unruly child. I'm not sure if he was a serial groper per se but he had an early start so who knows. Ladies, protect what your mama gave ya and remember, "a crowded train is not an excuse for unlawful sexual conduct."

Why you don't talk about Real Issues at Work

A 24 year old girl who lives with her parents said everyone is saying the economy is bad but I see so many people out shopping and eating at restaurants.

A 60 yr old woman said, those wall street protesters say they are protesting corporations but they all have Apple iphones

Both succeeded in ruining my lunch. If you don't get it then stay silent. Limit the conversation to talking shit about coworkers.

Taste the Rainbow

If Starbucks had a NYC regional mascot....

Dedicated Parents

I don't think you should be allowed to name all of your sons after you if they are going to end up in foster care. Nephra Payne and Shanel Nadal have 8 kids together (yes I'm impressed they all have the same father) and all 8 are in foster care. Apparently they were taken from Shanel when Nephra reported that they were being abused. But obviously he didn't have the resources to take custody since they ended up in foster care.
The couple stole the kids last week but they were recently caught and picked up in Pennsylvania. But the most disturbing part of the story for me is now there are 7 young boys named Nephra! (the one girl is named Nefertiti). It's not like when George Foreman named all his kids George. At least he's a successful athlete and grill salesman.

Is this Necessary?

Hand washing instructions posted in the kitchen at my job.. Courtesy of the Department of Health.

Hi Hater!

 

I know NYC has it all.. but why we can’t have Chick Fil A or Cracker Barrel? Is this some kinda ploy to keep New Yorkers relatively excited when they have to travel to the south? I mean what gives?! The owners of these brands don’t like money!?

Does it please them to withhold something from us, to remind us that we have almost everything.. but not quite?

I like to shop for apple butter and peanut chews while I’m waiting for my table as much as the next person. I like real chicken nuggets with Polynesian sauce, waffle fries and Oreo cookie milk shakes too. I can’t have that?!

My Weave is not Meant to Deceive

So how do you address added inches of hair with white people at work? This was an issue for me because I don’t normally wear weaves and now that I decided to add 2 tracks and about 4-5 inches I realized that I ended up wearing my hair in a ponytail all week in an effort to avoid the “Did you do something different with your hair?” conversation. By the 4^th day I was over it and it was long and flowing like it had been on the weekend. In 2011 where white chics are getting weaves and calling them “extensions” I don’t believe I should have to worry about this but I still did. Not just because I don’t like discussing black hair with white people so they can stare at you like you’re a science experiment (I’m not making this up, try being 10 yrs old with corn rows at an all white sleep away camp), but also because I don’t like small talk in general (see previous blog post on hating small talk) with people I am not really friends with. So here are a few responses I came up with in case you are forced to discuss your weave with co-workers, classmates or friends of the Caucasian persuasion.

Caucasian: Did you do something different with your hair?

You:

-         Different? Nothing’s different?

-         How do you mean?

-         Yes… (coupled with blank stare)

-          It grows really really fast in the summer

-         My momma got Indian in her family

-         Outre-Yaki-#2-16 inches guuurrlll! (coupled with neck roll and 2 snaps)

Or whatever you want. Here’s the thing. These days I do not believe the weave is meant to deceive, I see it as an accessory or a style change like any other. No, black women don’t wish they were white. Girls just like hair!

Am I Some Kind of an Asshole?

Does it make me an asshole that I don’t give a rat’s rump about memorials / monuments? I guess I know why some people are drawn to them but it’s not for me. Recently I was asked if I intended to attend two popular new memorials. The 9/11 memorial and the MLK memorial in D.C. and both times that I was asked I thought… “um…Why?”.. I didn’t say it though.. Probably because I thought the person asking would think I was some kinda asshole (even though the people asking are people fairly close to me and should know I’m not one but still). Like who doesn’t honor Dr. King and 9/11 victims? Only an asshole. But I’m not a bad person. I just don’t need stone constructions (or in the case of the MLK memorial, a borderline eyesore) to help me honor something. I honor by actually knowing something about it or acknowledging the reason the said person or event was important to our lives and our history but I don’t feel anything when I go to a memorial. I visited the Vietnam memorial when I was a kid. I was with my dad who is a veteran and I remember feeling for him when he located the names of people he knew on the memorial wall. So I’m not saying monuments are bad. I’m saying they don’t do it for me personally. And if they do it for you don’t go around taking tentative memorial attendance so as not to make the rest of us feel weird.

P.S. That MLK memorial looks weird. Why does he seem to be looking down on all of us like it's judgement day? You're not the boss of me stone Dr. King!

P.S.S And yes I believe in going to grave sites of loved ones but that's different. It just is. That explanation is for a different post.

What kind of an Asshole Feeds Pigeons?

As the first installment to my "what kind of an asshole..?" series I would like to start with pigeon feeders. What kind of an asshole feeds pigeons? You live in a city! There are other people here who dont want pigeons flocking over head spreading dirty pigeon feathers and dust and possible poop.. the pigeons are here, we accept them but do we need them rushing in from overhead in a frenzy over some pieces of bread? I think not. Get a life pigeon feeders! or a Kindle, or an iPad or angry birds or whatever people do to keep themselves quiet these days.

The Night I Fell in Love with a Stripper

So I was dreading this particular plan to go to a female strip club for a friend’s bachelorette party. I was of course dreading it less than if it were a club that featured male strippers but dreading it nonetheless. But I was ready to suck it up and deal because that’s what friends do. But when I got there I was pleasantly surprised. The stage was surrounded by the bar making it a lot less intimidating for a girl like me who has no desire for a lap dance or any kinda female nakedness rubbing up on me. Watching is fine. Watching I can do. So I relaxed… And then there was her.

At that moment I knew why that song “I’m in love with a stripper” by T-Pain came about. I’m sure he and I had different reasons, different motivations. But the love was there nonetheless.

This girl makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to stick with my cardio routine, she makes me want to remember that I am all that (before I’m not anymore) and I shouldn’t forget it.. Yea all of that!

Here is why I was so impressed. The girl could dance. I don’t mean shake her thang I mean DANCE. Like Alvin Ailey, Martha Graham classically trained Judith Jameson DANCE. Graceful, perfect poses, perfect positions, athleticism, she was modern dance she was ballet but she was basically naked and yes there was a pole. But I also respected her nakedness because she wasn’t getting by on a big ole dookie bootie or some huge fake knockers. She had a short hair cut like a man, no weave, slim, brown skin, small build like me. I think that’s the other reason I liked her. She was more relatable to me than the other jiggly bootie broads. And leave it to me to seek out inspiration and relatability in a strip club at 1am. So I got change of a $20 and let her know my appreciation for her the only way I could. When in Rome… I wish I knew her name.

It's Probably Just Me But...

Why does Miles Morales, the new 1/2 black 1/2 latino Spiderman (who only exists in the comic books and not in Marvel's bigger universe) look like he could be Erykah Badu's son?

The E Train Chronicles

This is why I try not to ride the E train after 10pm. There is always some shi* I just cannot explain. I encountered these 2 last Thursday night. There are so many questions that I have I don't know where to start. If they looked like homeless people it would not have been noteworthy. But since they are dressed like college professors or members of a country club I had to wonder why they were so spent? or bent? and why were they riding a Jamaica bound E train after 10pm at night? Did someone roofie them? but why? I could go on but I guess certain things are not to be explained.

The "Whoa!" Remix Challenge

The "Whoa!" remix popped up on my ipod the other day as I was enjoying a nice shuffle. It isn't the first time this has happened. and I'm always tempted to listen to it because of the beat and because of how hard Rah Digga comes in on the first verse. But it's always a mistake. Your nostalgia and general respect for the original "Whoa!"by Black Rob may tempt you to listen to this remix. But you'd be making a mistake. They should change the name of the "Whoa!" remix to the "Bring-your-wackest-verse-or-your-least-favorite-rappers-rhymefest circa 2000".. It's terrible. and you know it's going to be once you realize someone let Lil' Cease go second. or at all. and it continues to go down hill from there. I tried to get all the way through this 8 minute fiasco but by the time I got to Black Rob's verse and realized he didn't even have any respect for his own remix I gave up. So I challenge you. See if you can make it through this entire song really listening. Not facebooking or emailing or planning lunch while it's on in the background.  If you can do it, you win an invitation to listen to the original "Whoa!".

"My Panama niggaz hold me down like WHOA, my New York peoples hold me down like WHOA" 

Life Outside the Matrix... A Comedic Tragedy

For the purposes of this poem

The Matrix (may-tricks), noun; is defined as…

-A place on this earth, where people enjoy the whimsy and simplicity of living with short or non-existent memories of unpleasant or inconvenient truths

This is about the misfortune of living just outside of the Matrix

Where I live.

‘bout half mile from the McDonald’s…. Any McDonald’s

Close enough to know many people that live inside

But far enough to know I can’t live inside myself

Outside feels like the kinda place

Where the raw sewage that they aren’t supposed to dump into the river would flow

It’s desolate, quiet.

More muted than naturally quiet

It rains a lot, but few things grow

There are no children here. Or there shouldn’t be

It gets cold it gets hot

Rarely is it just right

We can only enter the Matrix with our masks on

No one inside wants to be reminded of outside.

Our own little District 9

Those of us who live outside wouldn’t have it any other way

Despite how much we bitch and complain

Somehow we still feel more fortunate

Like an exclusive crew of hapless misfits

In our place, our position

Outside the Matrix

We are now renting space with the option to buy